new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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