yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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