I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
