the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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