Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
