I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i love accidental penises.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize