My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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