I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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