i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
