My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
