i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
