i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize