I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
