this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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