Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How naked do you want me to be?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize