Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
