Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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