We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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