dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Bring me that man meat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
