When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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