I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
barbara walters just said penis...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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