What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
