We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
