This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
