I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
