I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
