Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
