Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
