My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize