dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
