sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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