Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
