Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
