If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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