omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
