i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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