Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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