she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
