Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
