a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
