This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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