If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
