We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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