Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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