two words: eviction party
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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