He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
