the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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