So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
