Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
