Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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