hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
