I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
