So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
