I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
