Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
