i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
