before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
