you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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