dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
