let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
