just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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