Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize