woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
