So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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