my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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