Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
