how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
